Local hero

For several years now I have been trying to learn how to judge the quality of pubs as the British do; that is, just glancing at the establishment from the window of a speeding car. A split second is enough for the trained eye of an Englishman to make an accurate conclusion about the quality of a pub. “Well, how do you know?” I exclaim when my husband dismisses the idea of going into a pretty house, buried in flowers, with a neat signboard and clean, tidy tables in the yard. “Because you can see it right away!” David answers. “Indeed, it is quite obvious” – in the English manner (that is, with an apologetic intonation of “I’m sorry”), his friend, Danny, confirms. Since it isn’t obvious for me at all, “my Englishmen” start explaining, and I learn that by the quality and quantity of flowers, by the way the signboard is written, by the look of the tables in the beer garden (even what the beer garden is called) and a bunch of other little things and – most importantly – by their unique combination, you can understand how good the pub is.

When you go inside, everything – of course – becomes clear, even to a “tourist”. The way you are greeted – how they look, what they say. What kind of furniture – standard and neat (wrong) or old and recruited from local churches, schools, homes, etc. (correct). On the walls: jolly little life affirming slogans and inscriptions in the style of Eat, pray, love or everything that has gathered for three hundred years in attics in the village.

The other day we were in an absolutely wonderful pub in Winchester – the Wykeham Arms. They greeted us so nicely, as if they had been waiting for us for a long time, even though we hadn’t booked. We were just passing by and were very hungry. We were permitted to dine with a three-year-old, even though this pub doesn’t usually allow children under eight. But a real gentleman will not put another gentleman out of the door so they didn’t send us back on to the street, but found a quiet separate corner where “the young lady can eat calmly”, not embarrassing anyone with her presence. The tables and chairs in the pub are either benches from the local cathedral or old desks from the famous Winchester College (one of the UK’s top elite schools) just across the street. And the toilets are the proper ones (i.e. Loos, not Toilets and from Thomas Crapper).

Good pubs will survive this pandemic, as many have survived plagues, wars and pestilence in the previous centuries of their existence. Come visit if you love pubs too. And if you don’t have a lot of time for independent searches, then you can just look at the Good Pubs Guide (in my opinion, a very English name for the guide – not awesome, not amazing, not top, but just good) to find the best one in your area.

To save you even more time, we have listed below our own favourite pubs from up and down the land. To enter any of these establishments is to experience a national treasure as important and venerable as any Royal Palace, museum or art gallery. Many of them are centuries old and have been a fixture of the local community for many generations. Some have hidden smugglers’ contraband, some have served pirates and notorious Highwaymen. Others have provided refuge for writers – D.H. Lawrence kept his German wife away from harm throughout WWI in the remote Cornish village of Zennor, where the Tinners Arms serves a supreme pint. Dickens and Samuel Pepys supped in the Cheshire Cheese on London’s Fleet Street and the painter William Turner set up his mistress in a pub in London’s East End. Pubs are what England is all about: a place to sup in solitude if you feel like taking time off from the world, to meet new friends if you are a stranger in town, to confide your woes in or gossip with the Landlord or to meet up with friends and your fellow tribe at the end of the working day. Some are ornate extravaganzas, others are humble and spartan. Whatever they are, wherever they are, you will know instantly if you are in the right place. If you are, you will leave poorer, but so much richer in every other way.

OUR LIST OF GOLDEN PUBS

There’s one pub we’re not going to tell you about. Come and see us and we’ll tell you in person. But for all our other favourite places, we are very happy to share. Each one is unique and we know them all personally so we can vouch that you will have a memorably wonderful pint. They range from urban chic to rural primitive and are concentrated in Yorkshire, Cornwall, Sussex and London, areas of the country where we have lived and worked and which we know very well. Like you, we are still discovering, and when we find another pub worth talking about, you will be the first to know. But for now, here are our top twenty-one golden public houses.